the perfume of life

I should have known what was going to happen just from the color.

The rusty brown goo reminded me of rubbing alcohol and cod liver oil. I don't think I've ever actually seen cod liver oil and rubbing alcohol is clear. Nevertheless, it looked harsh.

I was already in the shower when I first cracked open the bottle. I was excited to try out the Extra Strength Shampoo for Severe Scalp Itch. I had bought it the night before and it seemed my head got even itchier that night in anticipation. But as I was popping the top, I also took a look at the active ingredient. 1% Coal Tar. COAL TAR?!? Just then the smell hit me like a dead body falling on my head. In panic, I closed my eyes and shoved the goo through my hair. And then the dead body was on my head. Was it supposed to smell like this? Because I thought I might never breathe normally again.

I started the rinse process, crossing my fingers. There was no time for another wash before work. Besides, I wanted the itch to go away. Maybe the smell would dissipate with the steam? No luck. The goo may have washed away but the smell remained. It haunted me all day, even though I plastered my hair with sweet-smelling mousse and hairspray. I would turn my head and catch a whiff every few minutes. It was awful. Like having a really old lady who just ate a bunch of garbage breathe in your face. 

That night, I took down my bun. Instantly, I was in a cloud of stink. I smelled my bath towel. Ugh. I smelled my hair band. Ugh. I didn't even bother smelling my hair, but stepped straight into the shower. I washed with my own lovely smelling shampoo. Three times. NO CHANGE. No change?!? How could three washings not even touch it?!? I soaked in it conditioner for awhile, rinsed again, and finally got out of the shower, still followed by an almost visible noxious odor. I put on some more sweet-smelling leave-in product and gave up and went to bed.

In the night, when I would turn over, the smell would wake me up. I'd groan internally and try to fall back asleep.

When my alarm went off in the morning, I was instantly awake with my eyes watering. There was nothing to be done. The smell had taken up residence in my head and I was doomed to be the smelly kid for the rest of my life.

And my head still itched.