embracing the crazy

Remember when I said I didn't get embarrassed? Well, lately there have been times when I probably should have. Yesterday at church Sam and I walked into Sunday School before anyone else and while we waited for other people to come, I suggested rather loudly that we make out as long as we were alone. And of course, some woman had come in already without my noticing and was sitting directly behind me when I said this. Sam laughed uncontrollably for at least five minutes. I have realized that before I got married, I thought rather highly of myself and my abilities to be cool and capable in whatever situation I was in. Marriage, however, has made me humble. I think it's because I've become totally comfortable being myself. I've let the crazy all come out. I make a fool of myself rather frequently now, but it's totally worth it, the trade-off being that I'm completely accepted and even loved for all the crazy. I was reading some old Google Chat conversations between Sam and me from right before we started dating and I'm so glad I don't have to hide so much of myself anymore. The game of "does he like me/does he not" is not even close to being as fun as unconditional love. So next time I embarrass myself, I'll be grateful that the atmosphere of acceptance I live in has conditioned me to be myself, ridiculous or not.