twelve months

To my baby:

I cannot adequately express the love that has filled my every waking moment since you arrived. This year has been the hardest, most fulfilling, funniest, and happiest of my life. I've never felt so full, overflowing with love and joy and rightness.  Feeding, rocking, changing, playing, smothering with kisses... it is all that I wanted it to be and more. What I wouldn't give to have a little baby Carter heavy in my arms forever. Sometimes I just sit and drink you in like water in the desert. And it feels like I can never get enough, my thirst for you never quenched. When I put you to bed some nights, both of us exhausted, I fear I might wake up and my baby will be gone, a grown up man in his place. Then in the morning I seem to find you just as I left you, but then what happened to the sleepy-eyed newborn, already slightly hazy in my memory? You are a little boy most days, tall and confident, rough and tumble, shrieking with laughter, sweeter than honey. There is no time to grieve the lightning fast disappearance of your babyhood. There are block towers to build (and knock over), books to read, crackers to munch. A world to discover. It is, after all, a joy just to wake up every day and be your mother, Carter man, no matter your age. It always will be. Remember, though, that you are still my baby, held safe in my heart, forever. 

I love you,

Mom